If you’re excited to elope but feeling a pit in your stomach about disappointing the people you love, you’re not alone. Almost every couple I work with worries about how their decision will land with parents, siblings, and friends. The good news? You can elope and include your loved ones in meaningful ways—and I’m going to show you how.

Hi, I’m Cherlyn, a Washington Elopement Photographer and I’ve done this whole elopement thing a time or two (wink). I’ve helped couples figure out how best to include their loved ones with grace and respect and I’m here to help you through this tricky situation with several options you can choose from!

There are a few creative ways to include friends and family. Before we dive in let’s talk a little about this difficult situation. Choosing to elope means that you are choosing to prioritize celebrating your marriage in your way instead of someone else’s way. And that’s so exciting! And you can still value and respect your parents, family, and friends while eloping. It might take them some time to respect your wishes if they’ve dreamt of attending a big wedding, but eloping is realizing your dreams, not theirs! So how would you include them?

Before Your Elopement

How to Tell Your Loved Ones

Telling your loved ones that they won’t be present on your wedding day can feel overwhelming. But choosing to elope isn’t about excluding people. It’s about choosing your joy and protecting the experience you want for your elopement day. You can still tell them that you’re having an elopement in a graceful way. Here are a few tips:

• Tell them sooner rather than later. You don’t want them to be waiting and bugging you about the wedding date.
• You don’t need a reason why they aren’t invited, but if you want to let them know, you can! Be honest and true to yourself and don’t make up a silly reason. It’s okay to say that you want the focus to be on yourselves.
• You can still include them in various ways — let them know if they’re invited to a reception or if they’ll get to see photos of your elopement afterwards or ways they can support your marriage

Send announcements

Who loves getting surprise snail mail? Whether a post or pre elopement announcement, let your friends and family know that you’re getting married and that you’re thinking of them! I love getting a couple sneak peeks early to couples so you can start sharing your special day soon after it happens. What better way than to send your favorite people something to put on their fridge to remember and celebrate your love?

Host a bachelor or bachelorette party

If you choose to elope, you can still have a party to celebrate before (or even after) you get married. Friends love any excuse to get together and go all out to celebrate you. Spend quality time with your closest friends before elopement when you’ll be spending quality time with just your partner! Think of it like a pre-elopement reception with your favorite people.

Ways to Include Family Without Inviting Guests

There’s so many different ways to actually include your favorite people from inviting a few guests to including them virtually and in spirit. Let’s dive deeper.

Have them write you letters

For a unique way of including your loved ones, have them write you letters or record a message (audio or video) and read/listen to them during your elopement day. These love letters will help you feel close to them as they support your elopement from far away. Even when they’re not there to witness you two elope, they’re rooting for you!

Invite them virtually

If you elope somewhere with cell service (I have some ideas), you can invite your favorite people to your elopement virtually on zoom. We can set up a phone on a tripod and have you mic’d up with another phone or actual mini microphone so that they can witness you two exchange your vows. Your loved ones will be so thrilled to be a part of your special day in real time.

FaceTime before/after your ceremony

Parents especially love getting a FaceTime/video call with the newlyweds. It’s a great way to still connect and have them send you their wishes while eloping without them. A great time is when you’re getting ready and I’m taking detail photos of your items. You can show them where you are, whether that’s your airbnb or high on a mountain (with service, of course).

Include family traditions

There are so many other ways you can include your family or close ones without physically inviting guests. You could wear a family heirloom, include a family tradition, bring photos of your family members, play a song that is special to you all. Or perhaps there’s a cultural tradition you want to include to honor your heritage. Only you know what is meaningful to your family and that’s exactly what makes your elopement unique.

Invite your closest people

You can literally invite them! Eloping doesn’t mean no guests are allowed. Although typically when guest count goes over 25 people, then the focus tends to shift away from the couple. If you want to invite a small handful of guests, maybe your closest friends, those who mean the most to both of you, then by all means, invite them! A reminder: no one is entitled to attend your wedding. Being part of a friend group doesn’t mean that friends are automatically invited – assess how much they’ve impacted your lives and who you want to be there to support you through your elopement. Positive vibes only!

How many people should you invite?

While this is entirely up to you, sometimes there are a few factors other than which people you feel most comfortable to celebrate with you! National Parks have permits for limited people depending on location. The National Forest does not allow groups greater than 12 people. And otherwise, let your intention of your elopement guide this decision.

It’s super hard to whittle down a guest list from everyone at a big wedding to an intimate elopement. I personally recommend a guest count of 10 people to keep it special to you. Allocate time to spend with your guests and time to spend with your partner to minimize the overwhelm. Consider splitting the day in half or even over 2 days so that your attention is undivided and you can enjoy your elopement in the moment.

For elopements with no guests, consider asking a friend to officiate for you and 2 friends to be witnesses. By the way, I’m also ordained and can help sign off on your license if it’s just the two of you!

How to Decide Who to Invite to Your Elopement

Well obviously people who are closest to you, whose presence would contribute significantly and positively to your elopement. Some couples invite their immediate family. Some invite only friends. Some invite only parents. And others have small mix of family and friends. Keep in mind the activities you want to do during your elopement and how your guests can be involved.

Nearly all of my couples who invite guests split up their elopement day with one half spent with their guests and the other half they get alone (with me photographing everything from big to small moments). It’s a beautiful way to balance having your loved ones and spending the intentional, intimate time with your new spouse.

 

Ready to find out more about full-day elopements? Check out my Washington Elopement Photography Packages

Celebrating Afterwards

This might be the most common way couples choose to include their friends and family. After eloping, take a moment to bask in becoming newly married. Then on a later date, rent out a restaurant or a party room and invite everyone over for small dinner and reception. Or maybe you can have a hang out at a brewery or a local park where everyone brings a potluck dish. Your loved ones would be thrilled to celebrate with you!

When to host a reception?

There’s no rule to say whether your reception must immediately proceed your ceremony. You can choose to elope and have your ceremony one day and then your reception the next day. Or you can also choose to have both on the same day. You can even choose to host your reception days or months later when it is most opportune for you.

Where to host a reception?

If you’re traveling to Washington for your elopement, perhaps your reception would be closer to your own home or where the majority of your friends and family live. An extra trip out to extended family is a great way to celebrate, especially with grandparents or family who cannot travel as far.

Receptions can be held at trailheads or campgrounds with large group capabilities. They can also be at a local venue or restaurant. You can host a bbq at a local park or even at home for a potluck. So many options!

FAQ

Is it rude or selfish to elope without family?

Not at all! Some people may initially feel hurt or surprised, especially if they expected a traditional wedding. That reaction usually comes from love, not entitlement. Your wedding day is about celebrating your relationship in a way that feels meaningful to you, and it’s okay to make that choice with kindness and confidence.

Will my parents be upset if we don’t invite them?

Hopefully not! If you have a good relationship with your parents, I believe that they love you and support you in any decision and will be able to respect that you want to elope without them. Parents love seeing photos, so you can even share your whole gallery with them. All my galleries have the ability to share with guest viewers. I also love when couples decide to create a physical album and send a mini version to their parents as a keepsake.

How many people is too many for an elopement?

You can have as many people as you want, but my personal opinion is that once you invite more than 25 people, it starts feeling like a bigger wedding. If you want to invite 25-60 people, consider having a micro wedding and a pre-/post-adventure session for just the two of you. For most couples having less than 12 guests means that you’ll have the most intimate day.

Can we elope now and have a wedding later?

Absolutely! Some of my couples do exactly that. They want to have a fun adventure elopement AND a traditional wedding. If that’s in your budget, totally go for it! You can even have 2 different outfits! I’d suggest giving yourself time (at least a few months) between the two events so you don’t get overloaded with planning two weddings. For a later wedding, you can include photos from your elopement and share with your guests.

I hope these ideas help relieve some stress for how best to include your friends and family in your elopement. There are more creative ideas to include them in your own unique way. I’d be stoked to help you plan and have the best elopement day

 

Ready to start planning your Washington Elopement?